Amazing TV for a rainy Tuesday night

Yes, there is a TV god. My cable came back just in time for the greatest show around, "The Amazing Race," (aka TAR). Tonight was the premiere of the seventh season, I think? I've watched every season but Iím not such a diehard that I've memorized the seasons. I just know I like watching the teams trekking around the globe and bitching about each other. Yes, good TV.

There's something about the pulsing beat of the theme song that gets me going, like I'm in the race. I actually talk about joining the race, but I don't drive stick, I don't swim really well, I don't ride a bike, and I like to eat three times a day. So maybe I'll just watch from my couch.

So what's the deal with Amber and Rob, aka The Survivors-reality whores? Don't they know how to get into their car? I mean, pull any switch to pop the trunk. Maybe they were on the island too long. And I don't think they've realized they're on a race by the way they're strolling along. Guys, you don't get voted off. You lose when you arrive last, it's not a hard concept!

OK, so I still can't figure out where they're flying out from since I missed the first minute because of my cable. Ah, someone just said Santa Monica, so they must be in Los Angeles heading to LAX. OK, the female roommates almost got into a car accident and they have to switch. I've never seen that in TAR history, changing wheels at the beginning of the race, and on the Santa Monica freeway. Not a good sign for these girls.

It's always hard in the beginning to come up with nicknames for all the teams. But some of them are trying hard to come up with names for each other. The two gay boys, who I think will be hilarious, are calling one team hillbillies. I'm still not sure who they're referring to, but I think the older couple should be called Team Dog Gone It because that's what the women kept saying about eight times before they even arrived at the airport.

I think the twin brothers are cute, but their orange headbands are going to get annoying after awhile, I think. And I bet it'll get really smelly after they hit spots like Africa or India.

OK, 25 minutes into the game and the former POW has begun telling his tale of his experience in the war. I think he was trying to get some sympathy from the other team, who was partly impressed but not enough to let them have an advantage.

First stop is Lima, Peru. I love the idea of Latin America, one part of the world that I haven't visited much, actually never. Oooh, several teams who speak Spanish. The girl with the Hispanic mother is going to have an advantage with many countries speaking Spanish, it seems. They're already in the lead and all the other teams look lost in a strange world. Maybe they should have joined "The Amazing Race Around Countries that only speak English."

Wait, is that a lesbian team? I think that's a first for TAR. Wow, last season there were no gay teams and now they're three. Maybe they'll get married if they stop in Canada. Anyway, the two girls who kissed each other are pretty hot. I wonder if they're really gay or just fancy editing by the producers. We'll have to wait and see.

It's really hard in the beginning to distinguish the teams. Why are there so many blondes? I can't tell them apart. Oh, and they're already having airport delays. That's part of the game of traveling, kids.

The first detour of the game they have to rope a llama or carry a basket filled with stuff about two miles. I wonder if any of the llamas will spit at the teams? Yes, a spit. I thought the pseudo Lesbian girls were the team to beat, but now they're pressured with the detour task. There's always one team member who has a breakdown early, and I think Bianca is having a problem. Please don't let Rob and Amber finish first with this task.

Wow, the people of Peru are so colorful. I really like their attire, but looks like it would be so warm wearing that. But at least they're colorful.

Now I know who they're talking about when they say the hillbillies. It's the two chubby friends. And in case you missed it, the editors have kindly picked a country-banjo diddy to play in the background. Classy stuff.

Wow, the pseudo lesbians Bianca and Debbie finished first. They're now again the team to beat, despite the mini meltdown. They just won $10,000 each, that's better than a free trip! By the way, beautiful church for the first pit stop.

So the last team to arrive is the hillbillies, Brian and Chuck. Aww, and they're crying. Do we need subtitles for that? What's up with that Mr. Editor? Despite calling themselves hicks, they seemed like they would have been fun to watch for the season, but instead we get the former POW and the beauty queen. So the eye candy stays in the game.

Well, that's it for another two-hour season premiere. My money now is on the pseudo lesbians and the mother and son team. Although you never can count out the alpha males, in this season that would be the twin brothers. The race is on!